Midnight musing on purpose of life.

dort-sat_2008-31

Little dancer from Milne Bay Province

Have you ever felt lost in a place full of information, ever felt invisible in a place full of humans or being chained by invisible threads to a conscience?

Do you feel the danger of falling off the track of time when you stop to catch a breath. You stop and blink and time has moved on. Does it make you scared that time will pass you  so you struggle to keep up even if that  means crawling on all four.

Have you ever pondered the injustice of cortisol accumulating from all those harassment until the ulcer or cancer gobbles your life from the inside out.

Do you wonder to whose mad drumming we are marching to? Is it to Mother Nature? For to her, we are just animals – programmed to live long enough to perpetuate our genes. Survival of the fittest they say, it is my genes or no genes.

Or are we marching to a celestial beat that already has our lives programmed – like a pawn played in a chess match which you and I have not even agreed to play in the first place. Or is life and the standard thereof a result of energy fields swirling  around humans as they walk – the tendrils attracting or repelling.

How will we know if we have achieved our purpose for being the lucky sperm that won the lottery to life out of the other 30 million?

What is contentment? Is it in having enough to not live in need? Is it in the making and enjoying of family? Is it in collecting trophies that will rust in time and accolades that are so whimsical, they can be retracted tomorrow ? Or is contentment about remaining relevant in space and time?

There must be more to life than just putting a 8 hr day at the office, go home eat, sleep, wake-up and repeat the whole rat-race again for the rest of my days.  And when I try to assert my will to live consciously by my own plan, I get a push back. If life is like a flowing river, then my effort is like a roe trying to swim upstream.  Will I make it in time?

From this point of view, growing old is a curse. Experience opens up opportunities, but the body will grow old  – it will become feeble and unsteady and stiff. When the body approaches its use-by date,  it is better for the mind to follow suit. If not, then the mind will becomes a prisoner in the decaying carcass – a prisoner to the human ability to project memories of days gone, the ability to reminisce and have  regrets. With endless time and and a big canvas, the elderly sit vacant in their decaying shell as their memories torture their  daytime and keep them awake in the nighttime.

Young blood, strong bones, clear eyes and flexible joints  – source of envy – strut their stuff on their catwalk. In the era of technology and space travel and unlimited knowledge- will the young people of the future have a better life than ours??

I don’t think so. I believe the generations that are coming will go through the same motion as we are – just like how our mother and our grandmother did before us.

If humanity does not run itself to extinction,  then in thousands of years from now – regardless of whether the future generation migrate to the moon or Mars or stay in a much polluted earth – the remnants of our genes will go through the same motions – birth, work, work, work, regret, more regrets then death.

What is the purpose of life then? when I try to slow down to figure it out, the world keeps turning, I cannot think, I feel suffocated and I feel more lost than I first started this essay.

 

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